Wednesday, April 15, 2009

At a cousin's wedding

Her P.G. exams over, she thought of chilling out all by herself because she was far away from her pals, one in Delhi and the other in Chennai. She had recently shifted to Bangalore, not knowing where to head, she thought of walking down the avenue. The tree cover was soothing in the Summer evening. Walking was her favourite activity. She could align her thoughts in the moods she wanted, think of things that mattered to her, or just watch the birds that made a guest appearance on the swaying branches. Funny, she would ignore the cows and dogs that were so much a part of Indian Roads (she wondered why their sight didn't arouse anything to write the way a parrot or even a sparrow did). Well off late she had started observing people too !
                            She reached home and got to know that she had to go for a Wedding reception. Her cousin had got married recently, and aunty needed help, her mother said. Fine ! may be she would find something/someone interesting there, she thought. The Brother-in-law spoke a lot with her which surprised her cousin because he hadn't spoken much to anyone so far. Well,' saali (Hindi word for wife's sister) effect I guess' she thought. The saali-jeeja relationship (husband and his wife's sis) was a favourite of many Hindi movies. She was experiencing it the first time. And she liked her Software Engineer Jeeja. He spoke sense i.e. asked interesting questions, different from what one usually asks on meeting a stranger-relative. The evening went off really well with all of them going out for chaat/pani puris/the famous Jalaram's kachori and ending with the K.C. Das Sweets on the Church street, one of  the few outlets in Bangalore's plush locality, serving unique Bengali savouries. The next day the Brother-in-law's cousins arrived. One of them was really a handsome material (her friend used 'material' too often ie husband material, boyfriend material etc.) Moderately fair, (couldn't place him in TDH category) a bit short or almost her height, sharp features including a well groomed moustache which she wouldn't call pencil sharp though. Good taste of clothes too, she observed and a neatly shaven face. Hmm ! so far so good. 'I hope he speaks something sensible/interesting at par with the personality he projected', she thought. Few guys whom she had met through cousins or friends in the past, she found were either interested in 'I shall include you too in my girlfriends list' kind of thing as if they were doing a favour or was it some indicator of their 'maleness' !! Some of them spoke too much, some aired their opinions like they owned the world or worse some even narrated 'their ex-girlfriend tales'. Not that she didn't like any one of them because she always tried to find something special in each of them as she thought that no human being is despicable. Each had something that had a meaning. But she hadn't been able to go that far to 'explore' any of them given the disciplined atmosphere at home and a vigilant mother.
               Coming back she found out that his name was Mayank. Unusual name and when she asked him its meaning, he told 'Moon'. All this time they all conversed in Hindi or English. Mayank was silent. Now that bothered her, for there was something in the 'silent male species' that attracted her. Never mind she told herself, as she had got used to such reactions from herself. Her cousin suggested they all go out for a movie in the evening. There was a Multiplex close by and they all could walk down chatting at leisure. So walk they did with usual banter when all of a sudden Mayank stopped when he heard her answer her Jeejaji in Kannada. And everyone looked at him questioningly. He was not at all ruffled and stood with ease looking at her which sent down the familiar shivers through her and the shameless heartbeats. Sometimes she didn't like all this happening, as she felt she was losing control of herself  or she was giving in. Well, Macho boy spoke at last,'Hey you know kannada?' Now what had that got to do with his sudden interest, she wondered. And on further knowing that she belonged to the same caste/creed/community or whatever, he was all the time besides her, though not boring. Well she thought about all the thoughts that run through a Man's mind before he selects someone for his 'wife' or ' wife material' ! Hmm ! if he is thinking that then its Good Bye, she decided because she just wasn't comfortable with 'my community/my religion/this's how its done etc etc'. She wasn't sure if he was thinking all that, but then her train of thoughts were always ready at the slightest input of stimulus. She found he was witty, good to be around with and a charming conversationalist. Was in the fourth year Diploma Printing Technology, had given a couple of Campus Interviews. Interesting she thought. 
                                     Then the Wedding Reception day arrived and she was put to the task of taking care of guests. Already she was looking after the Brother-in-law and party as is the custom in Indian Weddings ie of giving due importance to the groom and his relatives. the Bride's side has to serve them well. All the more reasons for Ravi to observe her, she found and she thought,'Ughh ! there he goes', perhaps thinking,'Looks after the people well, knows to cook, is educated.....' While she was escorting an elderly lady, he signalled her to come aside and she did. He told her he wasn't feeling well, now what's that she wondered. But he did look like he was going to have a severe bout of cold so she told him there was a medical store nearby. As expected he asked her to tag along. And he told her that she looked beautiful. Well there he goes, line no. 1. Then he said he liked her. O.K. line 2. What did she think about him? She told him he was 'interesting' that's all. A sort of secret closeness established that was not formal, was informal neither, a sort of man to woman 'talk'.They came back with the 'Cold n cough' medicines. The next day evening the brother-in-law and party had to leave and she found the 'Hero' sulking. Now that was a weakness with her. She had to ask any person whom she perceived as 'sad' the reason and she would try in her own way to help them deal with whatever they were up to. She had mellowed down after all these years and with few not so good experiences, still she thought she had a right to ask the Ravi guy. And Voila she did. Guess what, he just mumbles few sentences like 'It was nice here etc etc' and fishes out a Grand and offers it to her. She was taken aback as she had never experienced this kind. Well she asks what for? And he says for all the good time they spent together, he wanted to gift her something but the place being new and not having enough time to know her tastes, this made sense. She thought it sounded good, his words but something was wrong with the money part. And she told him she felt the same way and the moments they shared was a very good gift in itself and no thanks she just can't accept it. He somehow wasn't convinced (didn't I tell you in the previous short story, Men take time to get convinced, even from the female species whom they may be attracted to).  He offered it once again and when she declined, he went out of the house to her surprise. She went behind to be stopped by the 'Uncle' who asked what the matter was by the way and where was she going? The Great Indian Household that seeks answers from the girl species for any action they think is out of place. She mumbled some satisfactory answers and went out. The guy walking up and down the garden...and he was smoking ! Oh ! its that serious she thought. She had to go in as she was called. Finally departure time and all the proper words said and done, He and she bid adieu to each other through the expressions on the faces which only they could understand.

At a cousin's wedding

Her P.G. exams over, she thought of chilling out all by herself because she was far away from her pals, one in Delhi and the other in Chennai. She had recently shifted to Bangalore, not knowing where to head, she thought of walking down the avenue. The tree cover was soothing in the Summer evening. Walking was her favourite activity. She could align her thoughts in the moods she wanted, think of things that mattered to her, or just watch the birds that made a guest appearance on the swaying branches. Funny, she would ignore the cows and dogs that were so much a part of Indian Roads (she wondered why their sight didn't arouse anything to write the way a parrot or even a sparrow did). Well off late she had started observing people too !
                            She reached home and got to know that she had to go for a Wedding reception. Her cousin had got married recently, and aunty needed help, her mother said. Fine ! may be she would find something/someone interesting there, she thought. The Brother-in-law spoke a lot with her which surprised her cousin because he hadn't spoken much to anyone so far. Well,' saali (Hindi word for wife's sister) effect I guess' she thought. The saali-jeeja relationship (husband and his wife's sis) was a favourite of many Hindi movies. She was experiencing it the first time. And she liked her Software Engineer Jeeja. He spoke sense i.e. asked interesting questions, different from what one usually asks on meeting a stranger-relative. The evening went off really well with all of them going out for chaat/pani puris/the famous Jalaram's kachori and ending with the K.C. Das Sweets on the Church street, one of  the few outlets in Bangalore's plush locality, serving unique Bengali savouries. The next day the Brother-in-law's cousins arrived. One of them was really a handsome material (her friend used 'material' too often ie husband material, boyfriend material etc.) Moderately fair, (couldn't place him in TDH category) a bit short or almost her height, sharp features including a well groomed moustache which she wouldn't call pencil sharp though. Good taste of clothes too, she observed and a neatly shaven face. Hmm ! so far so good. 'I hope he speaks something sensible/interesting at par with the personality he projected', she thought. Few guys whom she had met through cousins or friends in the past, she found were either interested in 'I shall include you too in my girlfriends list' kind of thing as if they were doing a favour or was it some indicator of their 'maleness' !! Some of them spoke too much, some aired their opinions like they owned the world or worse some even narrated 'their ex-girlfriend tales'. Not that she didn't like any one of them because she always tried to find something special in each of them as she thought that no human being is despicable. Each had something that had a meaning. But she hadn't been able to go that far to 'explore' any of them given the disciplined atmosphere at home and a vigilant mother.
               Coming back she found out that his name was Mayank. Unusual name and when she asked him its meaning, he told 'Moon'. All this time they all conversed in Hindi or English. Mayank was silent. Now that bothered her, for there was something in the 'silent male species' that attracted her. Never mind she told herself, as she had got used to such reactions from herself. Her cousin suggested they all go out for a movie in the evening. There was a Multiplex close by and they all could walk down chatting at leisure. So walk they did with usual banter when all of a sudden Mayank stopped when he heard her answer her Jeejaji in Kannada. And everyone looked at him questioningly. He was not at all ruffled and stood with ease looking at her which sent down the familiar shivers through her and the shameless heartbeats. Sometimes she didn't like all this happening, as she felt she was losing control of herself  or she was giving in. Well, Macho boy spoke at last,'Hey you know kannada?' Now what had that got to do with his sudden interest, she wondered. And on further knowing that she belonged to the same caste/creed/community or whatever, he was all the time besides her, though not boring. Well she thought about all the thoughts that run through a Man's mind before he selects someone for his 'wife' or ' wife material' ! Hmm ! if he is thinking that then its Good Bye, she decided because she just wasn't comfortable with 'my community/my religion/this's how its done etc etc'. She wasn't sure if he was thinking all that, but then her train of thoughts were always ready at the slightest input of stimulus. She found he was witty, good to be around with and a charming conversationalist. Was in the fourth year Diploma Printing Technology, had given a couple of Campus Interviews. Interesting she thought. 
                                     Then the Wedding Reception day arrived and she was put to the task of taking care of guests. Already she was looking after the Brother-in-law and party as is the custom in Indian Weddings ie of giving due importance to the groom and his relatives. the Bride's side has to serve them well. All the more reasons for Ravi to observe her, she found and she thought,'Ughh ! there he goes', perhaps thinking,'Looks after the people well, knows to cook, is educated.....' While she was escorting an elderly lady, he signalled her to come aside and she did. He told her he wasn't feeling well, now what's that she wondered. But he did look like he was going to have a severe bout of cold so she told him there was a medical store nearby. As expected he asked her to tag along. And he told her that she looked beautiful. Well there he goes, line no. 1. Then he said he liked her. O.K. line 2. What did she think about him? She told him he was 'interesting' that's all. A sort of secret closeness established that was not formal, was informal neither, a sort of man to woman 'talk'.They came back with the 'Cold n cough' medicines. The next day evening the brother-in-law and party had to leave and she found the 'Hero' sulking. Now that was a weakness with her. She had to ask any person whom she perceived as 'sad' the reason and she would try in her own way to help them deal with whatever they were up to. She had mellowed down after all these years and with few not so good experiences, still she thought she had a right to ask the Ravi guy. And Voila she did. Guess what, he just mumbles few sentences like 'It was nice here etc etc' and fishes out a Grand and offers it to her. She was taken aback as she had never experienced this kind. Well she asks what for? And he says for all the good time they spent together, he wanted to gift her something but the place being new and not having enough time to know her tastes, this made sense. She thought it sounded good, his words but something was wrong with the money part. And she told him she felt the same way and the moments they shared was a very good gift in itself and no thanks she just can't accept it. He somehow wasn't convinced (didn't I tell you in the previous short story, Men take time to get convinced, even from the female species whom they may be attracted to).  He offered it once again and when she declined, he went out of the house to her surprise. She went behind to be stopped by the 'Uncle' who asked what the matter was by the way and where was she going? The Great Indian Household that seeks answers from the girl species for any action they think is out of place. She mumbled some satisfactory answers and went out. The guy walking up and down the garden...and he was smoking ! Oh ! its that serious she thought. She had to go in as she was called. Finally departure time and all the proper words said and done, He and she bid adieu to each other through the expressions on the faces which only they could understand.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Darkness of the sky

How can the pristine blue sky go dark at night?
The Moon beams on...
And the white cloudy blanket spreads before the eyes...
The blues are visible though...
peeping thru' the mass
I want to take in the sensational azure
All of it...
Night ! Unveil...
Let me wear...the Lapis lazuli...
And the tiara of stars...
'n' walk on my toes verily...

Darkness of the sky

How can the pristine blue sky go dark at night?
The Moon beams on...
And the white cloudy blanket spreads before the eyes...
The blues are visible though...
peeping thru' the mass
I want to take in the sensational azure
All of it...
Night ! Unveil...
Let me wear...the Lapis lazuli...
And the tiara of stars...
'n' walk on my toes verily...

Thursday, April 9, 2009

First lesson...contd

What was it with boys and alcohol, she had asked Ray and how he would always know about them? Like she would learn eventually about the 'MEN' species, he never answered certain questions and would get away with a mysterious smile which said,'Men's secret lady', which irritated her. Why did men behave like they knew everything around them ? Yup ! she agreed, given the protected environment she was brought up in, like other girls in Indian society, the worldly knowledge had to be limited. Somehow she wanted to try the forbidden part of her life. 
        Now he was in his 3rd year Engineering, not a topper but sharp, always the peacemaker in the group, would resolve conflicts, enjoyed novels, Western Music etc. She had heard, he had a girlfriend too. Somehow this knowledge made her feel light i.e. she would think 'Good. Affair ka jhanjhat nahee hoga (Don't have to get involved with him).'  So she found she could talk to him for hours and he always seemed interested. She didn't know that he was a great listener too. He just had to ask,'What's the matter Ann ?' And she would go on and on.
          The days they didn't meet, she felt vacant, as if something was missing. She had few friends and two best ones. With the two best friends, she was herself, their thoughts matched and what was interesting was there was little 'girl' talks. The three hung out together very often in the library or in the City centre after the college hours. Yes they did talk about the guys that interested them. The two waited everyday to hear her encounters with Ray. Well and the day Ray turned up, she would literally fight with him demanding an explanation. How naive she was, she didn't know. Unknown to herself she was getting involved with him. Then the inevitable happened. She moved to another city to join another course. Hostel life, a new beginning. He passed out his Engineering. They often had arguements over 'Love Marriages'. She didn't believe in them and he did strongly. Marriage somehow didn't interest her, and she thought focusing on career made sense. She had seen her parent's married life and that was o.k. but not worth investing whole life on. The 'miss him' factor remained though. Vassu, her best friend asked her to wait, not to reveal her feelings to him. He will speak out if he feels and can't keep to himself anymore, she said. And she obeyed. An opportunity to submit a paper for a thesis preceeding M.Phil program at Oxford appeared in the college bulletin. She started getting ready for that. She told Vassu, may be he is going steady with his girlfriend. Strange but she felt he was interested in her. It was then she asked one of her friends in the group they shared, who was older and experienced, was going steady with a boy, how can a girl know if a boy is interested in her, rather how can she be sure of it. And 'didi' said,'Look into his eyes. They will tell you.' Well she thought what was new? She had always looked into his eyes and talked and it made sense didn't it? How else does one talk, she pondered. He also looked at her umpteen times while talking and she hadn't found his gaze scrutinising like the other guys did ! Yeah ! It comes naturally to girls, distinguishing a dirty look from a decent one, a teasing look from a mean one. Back to the topic, she couldn't make head or tail of the 'eyes' factor. But yes she had felt some strange feeling that made her feel they were bound by an invisible force, between them when they stood together and talked, something which she felt they shared. What was it she had wanted to know but finding no answer, she just enjoyed it. It was like he knew it too as she did. Only they didn't talk about it. 
               Finally it happened. He told her he wanted to meet her alone to discuss something important. Meet they did. He told her he had never experienced like this before, had promised himself wouldn't get involved with a friend's sister because of something that had happened in the past. But he couldn't concentrate on anything he said and he found it impossible to go ahead in life without sorting this out. He wanted to marry her. She didn't want marriage. What's wrong if they were friends forever. He said there can never be a friendship between a boy and a girl and a long one at that. She believed in the opposite. She strongly believed a platonic relationship was possible. And she was bold enough to declare it to the world if needed. He didn't agree at all. Men, she thought, were difficult to convince. Again why did she feel he knew something more and he sounded right too. O. K. she said. 

First lesson...contd

What was it with boys and alcohol, she had asked Ray and how he would always know about them? Like she would learn eventually about the 'MEN' species, he never answered certain questions and would get away with a mysterious smile which said,'Men's secret lady', which irritated her. Why did men behave like they knew everything around them ? Yup ! she agreed, given the protected environment she was brought up in, like other girls in Indian society, the worldly knowledge had to be limited. Somehow she wanted to try the forbidden part of her life. 
        Now he was in his 3rd year Engineering, not a topper but sharp, always the peacemaker in the group, would resolve conflicts, enjoyed novels, Western Music etc. She had heard, he had a girlfriend too. Somehow this knowledge made her feel light i.e. she would think 'Good. Affair ka jhanjhat nahee hoga (Don't have to get involved with him).'  So she found she could talk to him for hours and he always seemed interested. She didn't know that he was a great listener too. He just had to ask,'What's the matter Ann ?' And she would go on and on.
          The days they didn't meet, she felt vacant, as if something was missing. She had few friends and two best ones. With the two best friends, she was herself, their thoughts matched and what was interesting was there was little 'girl' talks. The three hung out together very often in the library or in the City centre after the college hours. Yes they did talk about the guys that interested them. The two waited everyday to hear her encounters with Ray. Well and the day Ray turned up, she would literally fight with him demanding an explanation. How naive she was, she didn't know. Unknown to herself she was getting involved with him. Then the inevitable happened. She moved to another city to join another course. Hostel life, a new beginning. He passed out his Engineering. They often had arguements over 'Love Marriages'. She didn't believe in them and he did strongly. Marriage somehow didn't interest her, and she thought focusing on career made sense. She had seen her parent's married life and that was o.k. but not worth investing whole life on. The 'miss him' factor remained though. Vassu, her best friend asked her to wait, not to reveal her feelings to him. He will speak out if he feels and can't keep to himself anymore, she said. And she obeyed. An opportunity to submit a paper for a thesis preceeding M.Phil program at Oxford appeared in the college bulletin. She started getting ready for that. She told Vassu, may be he is going steady with his girlfriend. Strange but she felt he was interested in her. It was then she asked one of her friends in the group they shared, who was older and experienced, was going steady with a boy, how can a girl know if a boy is interested in her, rather how can she be sure of it. And 'didi' said,'Look into his eyes. They will tell you.' Well she thought what was new? She had always looked into his eyes and talked and it made sense didn't it? How else does one talk, she pondered. He also looked at her umpteen times while talking and she hadn't found his gaze scrutinising like the other guys did ! Yeah ! It comes naturally to girls, distinguishing a dirty look from a decent one, a teasing look from a mean one. Back to the topic, she couldn't make head or tail of the 'eyes' factor. But yes she had felt some strange feeling that made her feel they were bound by an invisible force, between them when they stood together and talked, something which she felt they shared. What was it she had wanted to know but finding no answer, she just enjoyed it. It was like he knew it too as she did. Only they didn't talk about it. 
               Finally it happened. He told her he wanted to meet her alone to discuss something important. Meet they did. He told her he had never experienced like this before, had promised himself wouldn't get involved with a friend's sister because of something that had happened in the past. But he couldn't concentrate on anything he said and he found it impossible to go ahead in life without sorting this out. He wanted to marry her. She didn't want marriage. What's wrong if they were friends forever. He said there can never be a friendship between a boy and a girl and a long one at that. She believed in the opposite. She strongly believed a platonic relationship was possible. And she was bold enough to declare it to the world if needed. He didn't agree at all. Men, she thought, were difficult to convince. Again why did she feel he knew something more and he sounded right too. O. K. she said. 

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

First lesson on boys

She laid down on the swing, a half read book on her  side, closed her eyes, one leg dangling carelessly and one resting up. This was her favourite 'job'. The to and fro motions of the swing melted into her being. Life was soothing this way, like it would never stop, like her thoughts.  It gave her a feeling of being on a never ending journey. 
              And then she thought of him. Why was she attracted to him? She had never related to any of the boys in her class, in fact she didn't find them interesting at all and never bothered to find out if they were interested in her. She was the topper and wanted a match no less than herself. But after Neeta joined, everything had changed. Neeta-full of life, unlike herself who was drowned in books and study (of course no one knew she devoured romantic stories the most apart from physics or chemistry or biology and of course anything Shakespear-ean). She liked helping people but few reciprocated the feeling with which she thought for them except Neeta of course who startled her by mirroring some part of herself, showing her the warmth which no one had done before. And it was then she understood for the first time that she was attractive too. Thanks for Neeta's lesson on boys and 'the ways they looked'. Once Neeta had remarked,'Look how Shashikant is staring at you !' She said,'What rubbish ?' But then she had stealthily noticed that tall and fair Shashikant really looked at her. Oh! but he was a last bencher, okay in studies but popular by all means. How well Neeta and he clicked, the way they spoke easily with each other with no hang ups. Slowly she had come out of her cocoon and learnt the different ways to beat her shyness as she desperately wanted to be a part of the man-woman world. 
                      Shashikant was a history after all these years, there had been so many she found who 'looked' at her. Strange unless you are aware of something, it does not exist at all. And once you are aware, it is the only thing that exists ! There had been so many pairs of eyes that she shuddered to look at, the heart beating faster everytime she did. Then he came along. He was unassuming. Calm, a serene look on his face, he also looked shy but she found out he wasn't. Boys can be so deceptive she thought. He wasn't dashing but showed his cave-man protective spirit when  once they all were hanging out together one late evening. A drunkard had asked her address of one Mr. Saxena, of all the people standing there. And she had just begun to reply when she felt the man coming closer to her. In one startling second, Ray had sprung upon him and shoved him off. She was taken unawares. But she had loved every moment of it thereafter when he had almost shouted at her for being so stupid to answer a drunk ! Then there was the New Year party dance which she had danced with him in the moonlight. Two lads (neighbours) had come in un-invited asking for her, saying they wanted to wish her 'Happy New Year'. There he was, once again springing at the door, telling them something which made them exit with the same speed with which they had entered. She didn't like this time, as she thought it was bad man ners to send Neighbours away. He had made fun teasing her about the 'high spirited' neighbours. 

to be contd