Time Lapse

                Well, the dictionary defines it as a photographic technique where frames of slow movements are recorded at intervals, over a period of time & which when shown at normal speed, makes the event appear faster.
                     Ditto thought Sarah, reminiscing her life over past few years. Sohaib was out for his Morning walk. She didn't join him everyday which annoyed him. He had learnt to go solo, gradually. She on the other hand enjoyed those moments of ' Me time' which she used have in plenty when Sohaib was working. She took her tab and started keying after staring at the mean thing for few seconds. Why couldn't pen & paper be the norm ? Why did things change so fast ?
                       I didn't have an aim as such while growing up. I lived the moment to the hilt. Movies, friends, good food & music formed the core of my purpose of life. I loved people. As part of a joint family, I was either serving some elderly or babysitting someone or accompanying cousins. Eventually I settled with Husband, kids & a home of my own. Things were same, only place & people had changed. Children formed my core of existence & I made sure I was there for them all the time. My boys grew up pretty fast, soon went on their own. Ya ya I know the 'empty nest' thing. Bitter truth. Well both sons settled with their own kids, what more should I ask for ?
                   Something doesn't feel right. Sohaib stays home 24/7. I am happy of course. But the platter seems empty. Once it was filled with friends, cousins, movies, outings then with kids & now ? They all connect through WhatsApp & Facebook. Its overwhelming @ times to meander through endless forwards & so called chats on personal level as well as group chats. My back & neck aches at times. While it's a delight to be connected at finger tips, it's somehow not fulfilling. What was that phrase again....All relationships exist in Mind ! The maxim does hold good literally now.
                          Neil has been calling us to stay with him. His Wife fortunately doesn't mind having two oldies as addition to the family. I have plenty of questions in mind - When Neil couldn't hold a thing, would keep dropping them or the many times he stumbled & fell down - I was there for him, my duty you see.  Now I tend to drop the knife I was cutting vegetables with, multiple times. It takes a whole three minutes for me to get up, stand & then walk. Sometimes I ask things repeatedly to clarify. Now my priority revolves around taking medicines & food on time. What I did as a Mom, now goes by the name of 'help for the elderly, an assistant'. Neil will assist me, no questions, but I am not going over to Neil's to stay. Time for him to visit us & reminisce his childhood instead.
                             

My Mother

             The first time her existence dawned on me was when I felt warm and loved every time she was around. Well you see I was the kind of kid who obeyed her to the dot. I was also very possessive & didn't  like the Family doctor who held her wrist to check pulse when she fell sick. I couldn't comprehend she could fall sick. She was an answer to all my needs wasn't she ? And she couldn't be for some of them when things like these happened. I thought there existed only one person in the world called 'Amma'.
             So when the kids around me called other women 'Mom', I would wonder why they did so. But I kept to myself and never questioned, being the Mom trained decent and obedient child I was. I was the center of her world till my Brother appeared. Man, this was too much to handle ! She would leave me with my Grandmother @ times so that she could care for him. I observed that the little freak not only needed my Amma's care but also the attention of everybody around him ! Utterly ridiculous. Well ok, I consoled myself because I found he hung upto me the most & I kind of liked it when he depended on me for silly things and......what a pleasure to own a live Toy ! Even better than the dolls !
               Amma thought the world of me, making me top throughout  the school years. She would tell, ' Don't let anybody stand first in class. You do that job.' So much so, I would look down upon someone who were not rankers. Then it was a complete one eighty degree turn as I grew up. I wanted space.....to read non stop and write my mind and heart out amongst the blues of the sky, the green of the Woods, stars at night and well just about everything. She couldn't fathom this sudden need of her li'l girl to pull off. On TOP of that, I didn't obey her at all and was a proper rebel. She would often ask me, ' Are you the same Daughter I gave birth to ?' Well, whatever she said, I still did my own thing. We both were at loggerheads every other day but I still needed her very much the same way as a toddler, though I never showed it. And this drove her nuts. She would try to teach me cooking and other household 'girl' jobs and I would never listen. All those regular household dialogues in the morning - ' What should be cooked today for breakfast, lunch and dinner?' drove me crazy. I completely shunned those conversations, I don't know why. Perhaps the ' Ranker image' my Mom created was strongly etched and I always saw myself as studying and making a career out of it, may be research later.
            Today, after many years she's come to visit me in my home and the tiff still continues. Only that now my Son enjoys my Mom scolding me, thoroughly. Amma has to have her perfect ways to run a house imposed on me but same - I don't listen. But she counts on me when she has that woman who need to pour put. I can't do the same with her anymore..... She needs me like I once did.

The Shift

                            There has to be a way...but, what is it ? Piya's mind was somewhere else while she was keying in the data her boss needed by lunch time. She had been busy, happy about the recent move she had made - getting a transfer to an entirely new place. New people to work with, to socialise...She liked her neighbours too. They kept to themselves and were not nosy like those where she came from.
                                  What she did was her business - why did the people have problem always with that, she always wondered. She remembered a guy saying in one of the workshops her company arranged every year, " People throw stones on trees laden with fruits. Have you seen anybody doing that on a tree that has only leaves or one brimming with heavenly flowers ?" Well said. Its always nice to hear such things. They sound good to the ears and for that moment the problem is solved. Period. Its when you resume your routine that stuff hits. She continued working, brushing the thoughts aside. After a few minutes she stopped. She took out a piece of paper and pen from her purse. This's what she always did whenever her mind was in conflict. Write. Bring down everything that's fighting out high up there, on to the paper - black and white, to see, to read, to comprehend. Suddenly, not feeling comfortable, she stood up and went to the staff lounge. Ah ! such a respite. Her company allowed its employees to take breathers like this. She started writing the thoughts as it is.
                             Meera joined the old office in May. Good lord ! What a wave of glee she brought to the sombre environment. People didn't like her obviously because she was a storehouse of ideas which she shared freely, and some of which were being accepted by the management. Another story of the Management - Newbie affair. Will fizzle out soon, was what the people had eventually settled with. Not me. I was exactly like her, wasn't I ? Why, both of us hit it off. We shared so similar ideas and where we didn't, well brainstormed to the point of arguing on top of our voices. But would come to a terrific solution. It should have continued that way which it didn't. Shiraz had stepped in as a fresh recruit, fresh challenge. With the mind from the Mars, well, things changed and for the better. No complaints. His ideas matched mine, not hers, for heaven knows for what reasons. We would be working our hours, happy threesome many days, but some days, she just wouldn't be with us. Her ideas would sync with Karthik. Was she jealous about Shiraz and me ? Cummon, she knew I wasn't even involved with him. What is it then ? She knows I am good when it comes to conduct a Talk Show. Well she is great with the sets, creating that 'just right' ambience . I can never be imaginative  like her. Okay..that's it. No matter how yeasty she is, I am in the front, while she isn't. She can never be, with her kind of work. Now everything is crystal clear.
                An achiever, a dreamer, one who is doing something significant, wants to be recognised. Period. And that hadn't happened ever since Shiraz, my co-host had joined. So I did the right thing. Shifting to another location. I shall have my share of compliments, she will have hers. But there should be a way to co-exist, nothing affecting the camaraderie. Is Shifting the right way ? Well, that I shall find out.
                 

Comeback

                         Nitish had expressed innumerable times that he didn't like the parties she attended almost every Friday. Strange - she was a successful woman....(if success was measured by the degree to which one could juggle her career and home life, that is) she had listened to him and stopped attending.
                       She called her mother one day. " Mom, what is it with Men? I saw you listening to dad and see- now I am on your footsteps. Why is it that I think, I am the one responsible for a smooth running of the family ? At times I think may be because am buried deep under your " how to scale down yourself for the Family Harmony sacrificial advice". God ! I seem like referring to it like a Family Maintenance Manual. I have done enough referring and following. I haven't met my friends over the Friday parties for months. To their 'Why's' , well you know how I am, told them the truth, Nitish wasn't comfortable. They didn't need to be convinced. They understood the subtle power games of the regular Indian family set up. My friendship with them hasn't suffered, But - I have. There's a limit to which a woman can scale down. Right Mom ? Its the point where the woman as a dutiful wife is contented but the woman as an individual, as an entity is not. What do you do then ?  Well you have all the answers, don't you ? You accepted that limit in situations like that. You convinced yourself to be happy but I know right from my childhood you weren't. I don't want that. I want to be selfish. Yes, selfish. I do love my family and have done my share of giving up personal time, freedom and such. After making the key people in my life happy, there's this person I have to face at the end of the day - Me. I need to keep her happy too. I need to give up somethings to do that. I have decided. I shall attend this Friday party.

Waves

I hear the swelling - breaking -voices speak
It whispers a message deep
" I travel alone...
All along the Expanse of Sea
The shore....I can no longer keep
Push the devils to the stretching sand
I make Merry
My senses expand...
I roar...I shout - in Exhilaration
Am Free...Am One

Singapore Diary 2 contd

Had to go back to India, only to be back two months later. Well, not getting the Indian 'pakkad' last time, I got an entire set of Indian kitchen tools this time. Things are muxh easier this time.
           While meandering the Yew Tee area, I had walked into a small shop & was delighted to find Alva's ' thair'  ( plain yoghurt in Tamil). There can be simple pleasures in life like this one - You are surrounded by colorful & wonderful flavoured yoghurt while craving for the 'No Flavour ' one. So this shop made me feel completely at home with familiar words on the packets like  'moong', 'tur', 'biryani.masala' etc. Oh! There - a packet of Aniseed too. That felt lke an achievement because I could buy lesser quantities too unlike shopping for huge ones in the Malls. To be contd

Singapore Diary 2 contd

Had to go back to India, only to be back two months later. Well, not getting the Indian 'pakkad' last time, I got an entire set of Indian kitchen tools this time. Things are muxh easier this time.
           While meandering the Yew Tee area, I had walked into a small shop & was delighted to find Alva's ' thair'  ( plain yoghurt in Tamil). There can be simple pleasures in life like this one - You are surrounded by colorful & wonderful flavoured yoghurt while craving for the 'No Flavour ' one. So this shop made me feel completely at home with familiar words on the packets like  'moong', 'tur', 'biryani.masala' etc. Oh! There - a packet of Aniseed too. That felt lke an achievement because I could buy lesser quantities too unlike shopping for huge ones in the Malls. To be contd