Housewife ?

As I was getting ready to go for the two hours training session I had to conduct, the cell rang and seeing Kate's number, I sighed. Comb in one hand, the toner in the other, I held the cell to my ears and asked, 'So paaji what's it that's bothering you now ?' And she rattled off. My !! Katie, my best pal from the college days...I still remember the day I saw her-tall, a bit fair but vivacious, talking cheerfully with the girls (mine was a girl's college) and I envied her. That was the phase of my life, I was emerging from my cocoon, not much of a people's person, the books held my fancy for the major hours of my day, I sometimes looked at awe at persons like katie, and a similar brother I had at home. The words had flashed in my mind, 'If you want people, then you have to go to them, they will not come to you'. Fine. I was beginning to change and as I sat on my bench, and looked at her, I muttered, 'I must have a best friend like her. In fact she could be my best friend'. Love at first sight ? My 'self' mocked at me. Till this day I can't remember how our friendship started but it blossomed beautifully and to this day it's as fresh as ever.

Katie rode bikes, drove car and wouldn't mind driving a truck either. To people she was a tomboy and to me she was an insecure girl who needed lots and lots of love and acceptance. Somewhere she felt she wasn't loved enough by her family and when she saw my mom hugging her every time she came to our house, she was totally sold out to us and she didn't feel like leaving us at times. I became her emotional anchor and she was the friend I had always dreamt of but had none in all my 13 years of schooling. A friend who matched all the criteria of friendship, the kind I expected. To me a friend was the ultimate word. I should be there for her/him whenever he/she needed me whatever the day/time, I didn't care none had matched this feeling till I met her. What had happened to Katie after marriage ? She had earned a good name as a teacher in a reputed school and all the high school teens were her fan. She had a girl and then the second kid happened. So ? Off late she had started slipping into self-pity state. Reason ? Though she was an M.Phil, people in her family looked down upon the 'teacher'. And I had told many times 'No one can hurt you without your consent'. Now she was being stuck with the 'housewife tag'. Hey ! No one can tag you without your consent either katie, I roared over the phone.

Recently one of my new acquaintance told me she was sick and tired of the question people asked 'What do you do?'. And she didn't want to say 'I am a house wife'. Why do people want to know what do you do ? To measure your financial status ? Is man defined only by what he does ? And what's this liner in the radio etc. 'Its sexy to be a housewife !!' Now this friend has lived past many years in Amsterdam and now runs her home. Home maker? In one of the training sessions that I attended, one lady co-coordinator said,'Do not use the term housewife, use homemaker.' Does that sound better ? Well as for me if I run my life the way I want to, I could say anything I wanted to like I am a day dreamer most of the time. Then if they ask 'What do you do for a living?' Well cummon Katie, you could say 'Hey ! That's taken care of by my husband so I do whatever I like, whatever I want to for 'My living''. You are an ocean dear, peep inside. Why do you need to define yourself to people ? You be o.k. with what you are, log apney aap jaag jayenge, samajh jayenge (people will understand on their own). Be happy with yourself, for godssake do something for yourself. Put yourself first at times. Be the golden girl you were when we met. Hmm! got to go I said and Katie hung up once again promising to do all that.

Housewife ?

As I was getting ready to go for the two hours training session I had to conduct, the cell rang and seeing Kate's number, I sighed. Comb in one hand, the toner in the other, I held the cell to my ears and asked, 'So paaji what's it that's bothering you now ?' And she rattled off. My !! Katie, my best pal from the college days...I still remember the day I saw her-tall, a bit fair but vivacious, talking cheerfully with the girls (mine was a girl's college) and I envied her. That was the phase of my life, I was emerging from my cocoon, not much of a people's person, the books held my fancy for the major hours of my day, I sometimes looked at awe at persons like katie, and a similar brother I had at home. The words had flashed in my mind, 'If you want people, then you have to go to them, they will not come to you'. Fine. I was beginning to change and as I sat on my bench, and looked at her, I muttered, 'I must have a best friend like her. In fact she could be my best friend'. Love at first sight ? My 'self' mocked at me. Till this day I can't remember how our friendship started but it blossomed beautifully and to this day it's as fresh as ever.

Katie rode bikes, drove car and wouldn't mind driving a truck either. To people she was a tomboy and to me she was an insecure girl who needed lots and lots of love and acceptance. Somewhere she felt she wasn't loved enough by her family and when she saw my mom hugging her every time she came to our house, she was totally sold out to us and she didn't feel like leaving us at times. I became her emotional anchor and she was the friend I had always dreamt of but had none in all my 13 years of schooling. A friend who matched all the criteria of friendship, the kind I expected. To me a friend was the ultimate word. I should be there for her/him whenever he/she needed me whatever the day/time, I didn't care none had matched this feeling till I met her. What had happened to Katie after marriage ? She had earned a good name as a teacher in a reputed school and all the high school teens were her fan. She had a girl and then the second kid happened. So ? Off late she had started slipping into self-pity state. Reason ? Though she was an M.Phil, people in her family looked down upon the 'teacher'. And I had told many times 'No one can hurt you without your consent'. Now she was being stuck with the 'housewife tag'. Hey ! No one can tag you without your consent either katie, I roared over the phone.

Recently one of my new acquaintance told me she was sick and tired of the question people asked 'What do you do?'. And she didn't want to say 'I am a house wife'. Why do people want to know what do you do ? To measure your financial status ? Is man defined only by what he does ? And what's this liner in the radio etc. 'Its sexy to be a housewife !!' Now this friend has lived past many years in Amsterdam and now runs her home. Home maker? In one of the training sessions that I attended, one lady co-coordinator said,'Do not use the term housewife, use homemaker.' Does that sound better ? Well as for me if I run my life the way I want to, I could say anything I wanted to like I am a day dreamer most of the time. Then if they ask 'What do you do for a living?' Well cummon Katie, you could say 'Hey ! That's taken care of by my husband so I do whatever I like, whatever I want to for 'My living''. You are an ocean dear, peep inside. Why do you need to define yourself to people ? You be o.k. with what you are, log apney aap jaag jayenge, samajh jayenge (people will understand on their own). Be happy with yourself, for godssake do something for yourself. Put yourself first at times. Be the golden girl you were when we met. Hmm! got to go I said and Katie hung up once again promising to do all that.

Well...

'Cook food', flashed on her mind screen and then 'look for a maid', and then do what ? She questioned herself. Oh ! is this how my life is going to be ? How strange...in just a moment the whole life had been decided by her. Still she couldn't place herself right. Something was missing somewhere.

But that was few decades back when Anna (as Anamica's friend's called her) had got married. She was working before she tied the knot and that day after Ketan left for work, she had all the time in the world to race her thoughts. Being in a new town, not knowing anybody, which was not much of a bother to her though, but getting to know the place so that she could start giving resumes, that would take time. Till then what ? Be at home ? Stay at home wife ? And when the next stage of motherhood starts, become a stay at home mom ? She got up at once not being able to register all these labels. Yes labels. Why do not the working lot get stuck with labels like that ? she pondered. She had seen Mala, her married colleague tussle between the job and family, when her child had fallen ill. The boss being cocky, had mocked at Mala when they both entered his cabin to take the punch card, as Anna and herself both had taken leave past few days. 'Yes Mala', her boss said,'Who's ill this time ? Mother in law? Father in law ? Husband ? Child ?' Suddenly the job didn't seem lucrative at all from Mala's perspective and Anna thought how difficult it is to make him understand, observing Mala's sullen face made her feel worse. Was a job worth all that ? Sure there must be ways to cope family and work she thought.

She suddenly woke up from her reverie. Her hands had been full in the past ten years with two bubbly kids and a part time job as well. She loved seeing off her children to school and husband to work. What could possibly replace the hugs and 'bye bye's' as the little ones marched off to school? And what about the daily school banter her elder one had with her ? Listening to him reminded her of her own school days insecurities regarding friends, teachers etc. and she could now guide him with what she was not able to do to overcome them. She had been taking tuition's at home when her little ones slept and later had taken up a teacher's job. She couldn't bring herself to leave her offsprings at any day care centre and go for a job. Her mother in law had told her to give herself to the kids for their first five years and it made sense as she studied child psychology books. It was not that she was not tempted to accept lucrative offers but one sentence she had read in an article in 'Woman's Era' always stayed back. 'The mother may not need her child as much the child does, because the mother is the child's world'. Somewhere it had struck chord deep down and she had stayed at home with the tuition's though. Later having served at various other organizations including schools, she had decided to stick to few hours of working. Work outside she had to, connected to the outside world was her need at the same time, she wanted to be there for her children and the person who was earning the major chunk. The Man needed her like the children did, sometimes even more. The vertical alignment made sense: God, spouse, children, work, family. And why not ? He was the one who knew her in and out and who took care of her in a way that no one did. So ? All that gave her delight had no 'labels of important designations' and what gave her a sense of worth was the work she did in whatever post she was in. She had to have them both, to be at peace with herself. And today, she was, while preparing the lunch albeit with the thoughts of what is it that gives a woman her self worth ?

Well...

'Cook food', flashed on her mind screen and then 'look for a maid', and then do what ? She questioned herself. Oh ! is this how my life is going to be ? How strange...in just a moment the whole life had been decided by her. Still she couldn't place herself right. Something was missing somewhere.

But that was few decades back when Anna (as Anamica's friend's called her) had got married. She was working before she tied the knot and that day after Ketan left for work, she had all the time in the world to race her thoughts. Being in a new town, not knowing anybody, which was not much of a bother to her though, but getting to know the place so that she could start giving resumes, that would take time. Till then what ? Be at home ? Stay at home wife ? And when the next stage of motherhood starts, become a stay at home mom ? She got up at once not being able to register all these labels. Yes labels. Why do not the working lot get stuck with labels like that ? she pondered. She had seen Mala, her married colleague tussle between the job and family, when her child had fallen ill. The boss being cocky, had mocked at Mala when they both entered his cabin to take the punch card, as Anna and herself both had taken leave past few days. 'Yes Mala', her boss said,'Who's ill this time ? Mother in law? Father in law ? Husband ? Child ?' Suddenly the job didn't seem lucrative at all from Mala's perspective and Anna thought how difficult it is to make him understand, observing Mala's sullen face made her feel worse. Was a job worth all that ? Sure there must be ways to cope family and work she thought.

She suddenly woke up from her reverie. Her hands had been full in the past ten years with two bubbly kids and a part time job as well. She loved seeing off her children to school and husband to work. What could possibly replace the hugs and 'bye bye's' as the little ones marched off to school? And what about the daily school banter her elder one had with her ? Listening to him reminded her of her own school days insecurities regarding friends, teachers etc. and she could now guide him with what she was not able to do to overcome them. She had been taking tuition's at home when her little ones slept and later had taken up a teacher's job. She couldn't bring herself to leave her offsprings at any day care centre and go for a job. Her mother in law had told her to give herself to the kids for their first five years and it made sense as she studied child psychology books. It was not that she was not tempted to accept lucrative offers but one sentence she had read in an article in 'Woman's Era' always stayed back. 'The mother may not need her child as much the child does, because the mother is the child's world'. Somewhere it had struck chord deep down and she had stayed at home with the tuition's though. Later having served at various other organizations including schools, she had decided to stick to few hours of working. Work outside she had to, connected to the outside world was her need at the same time, she wanted to be there for her children and the person who was earning the major chunk. The Man needed her like the children did, sometimes even more. The vertical alignment made sense: God, spouse, children, work, family. And why not ? He was the one who knew her in and out and who took care of her in a way that no one did. So ? All that gave her delight had no 'labels of important designations' and what gave her a sense of worth was the work she did in whatever post she was in. She had to have them both, to be at peace with herself. And today, she was, while preparing the lunch albeit with the thoughts of what is it that gives a woman her self worth ?

Doing nothing

How liberating it is to just 'be' and do nothing... Be it in the confines of your own dwelling or out there in the open. Home ? When everyone else is gone for work, you shut the door and sit down with the thought that the next few hours belong to you and your thoughts can take a flight to wherever it wants to, like the feathered creatures. I love to watch that pretty two legged, green coloured, red beaked, 'being' called the parrot that I witness during summer- diligently chewing some part of the delicate fir tree, on which it is perched upon, clasping it in its claws and standing on one leg. This goes on for hours with its head moving tick-tock, side ways and down and occasionally the innocent looking tiny black eye balls meet me and I wonder could we be possibly connected?. Then its like a treasure hunt to spot two to three of the species, hidden behind the delicate needle like leaves, beautifully camouflaged. Suddenly a whole new world sets in once the eyes become expert in spotting few more movements and various other animal shapes. The squirrel is a permanent sight, always on the move and I sigh...What are you busy with little creature ?

Gazing at the greens for hours together is a panacea for the soul, with the cool morning breeze taking you in completely. And oh ! to get immersed in a book of your choice or the favorite daily, without having to worry about time, being in a flow with the self, like a plane on an autopilot. Years back I remember, it was scary to be with myself, when all of a sudden life threw me in a small place with little company and no source of books except for the newspaper which would come when the express train arrived from Mumbai. Not now. Learnt to be at peace with the 'self'. Used the sixth sense to know, to understand it. Heard somewhere 'God doesn't make junk'. Cancelled all the then prevailing thoughts 'to be perfect' and affirmed 'Its o.k. to be me' with the follies as well. Someone said 'If you would become perfect, then the place is not Earth, God would want you soon in the heaven'. You have to be comfortable with who you are. And until then, its a constant strife. Has to be.

And by the riverside ? sea shore ? on a long drive ? in a resort ? Not answerable to anyone is a luxury, so the need for inertness in between life's pell mell. Getting lost somewhere...to someone, handing over self by one's own will...doing nothing, in a no man's land.

Doing nothing

How liberating it is to just 'be' and do nothing... Be it in the confines of your own dwelling or out there in the open. Home ? When everyone else is gone for work, you shut the door and sit down with the thought that the next few hours belong to you and your thoughts can take a flight to wherever it wants to, like the feathered creatures. I love to watch that pretty two legged, green coloured, red beaked, 'being' called the parrot that I witness during summer- diligently chewing some part of the delicate fir tree, on which it is perched upon, clasping it in its claws and standing on one leg. This goes on for hours with its head moving tick-tock, side ways and down and occasionally the innocent looking tiny black eye balls meet me and I wonder could we be possibly connected?. Then its like a treasure hunt to spot two to three of the species, hidden behind the delicate needle like leaves, beautifully camouflaged. Suddenly a whole new world sets in once the eyes become expert in spotting few more movements and various other animal shapes. The squirrel is a permanent sight, always on the move and I sigh...What are you busy with little creature ?

Gazing at the greens for hours together is a panacea for the soul, with the cool morning breeze taking you in completely. And oh ! to get immersed in a book of your choice or the favorite daily, without having to worry about time, being in a flow with the self, like a plane on an autopilot. Years back I remember, it was scary to be with myself, when all of a sudden life threw me in a small place with little company and no source of books except for the newspaper which would come when the express train arrived from Mumbai. Not now. Learnt to be at peace with the 'self'. Used the sixth sense to know, to understand it. Heard somewhere 'God doesn't make junk'. Cancelled all the then prevailing thoughts 'to be perfect' and affirmed 'Its o.k. to be me' with the follies as well. Someone said 'If you would become perfect, then the place is not Earth, God would want you soon in the heaven'. You have to be comfortable with who you are. And until then, its a constant strife. Has to be.

And by the riverside ? sea shore ? on a long drive ? in a resort ? Not answerable to anyone is a luxury, so the need for inertness in between life's pell mell. Getting lost somewhere...to someone, handing over self by one's own will...doing nothing, in a no man's land.

Girl's College

                     'There comes the devil', Vani Dave whispered into Priya's ears. The Devil was their princi Mrs. Doodha, who was not actually one but who was extremely strict to the extent she knew who visited the college canteen and how often and sometimes the girls would think she even knew what they ate.  She was always properly attired with her 'Saree pallu' pinned at the right place with matching sandals and when she marched in the college corridors everyone knew it was 'her' by the sound her footwear made.  

                                 But she was a hit and popular by all means as she was the 'perfect' lecturer when it came to teach Zoology. I would just sit mesmerized when she would enter the class without any book, go to the blackboard and draw the specimen which she had to teach, with minute details and apt labelling. Oh ! the labelling lines were straight, drawn without the scales. And then she would start describing the animal from top to bottom and each and every part of the member of Animal kingdom would strike alive in my mind. Once I tried to trace the notes she gave by going through 4 to 5 books but found some part of what she taught was missing in each of the books and from then on I believed her notes like a holy book. 

                      From a co-ed school to an 'All girl's college' was a little awkward initially  plus the fact that there would be no 'Mars inhabitants'. It also meant complete freedom from prying, scaling, measuring eyes and you could sit in the class in whatever fashion you wanted to, without bothering to correct the 'dupatta' or pull down the short tops or the other dozens of things one did because of the presence of the opposite sex like deciding how to sit, where to look, how to keep the hands....... My my ! classrooms are one helluva good example if one needed a session on body language. Animal instinct I guess. Nothing different from the preening behaviour of the birds or the other vertebrates. So to cut it short, one was  free from the thought of impressing or attracting the other species. It was a liberating thought which meant I could be myself without those silly botherations. So there I was on the first bench squeezed between girls whom I didn't know at all. My name on the college admission list was 2nd after Monica, the cute fair girl with big specs. Enter the princi and amidst the pin drop silence that followed, pat landed a small chalk piece in front of me. 'You, yes, what's your biological name?' I had been briefed up about her before this class and I mumbled, 'Naina' then suddenly corrected and said 'Homo sapiens'. Ah ! what a relief and I was almost jubilant about giving the apt answer though a bit late. Smile....a big smile on her face and I thought I would occupy her memory for the next two years that I was in this college. But I would never answer in her class whenever she asked questions even after a splendid explanation. She would expect a lot from me and wanted me to answer but somehow I would doubt my answers whether they would match her expectations of a perfect answer. One of the drawbacks of education system where in pursuit of perfection, one never learns to fail, to make mistakes, to try, out of plain fear. The outside world classroom needs just that. Anyways Monica was the apple of her eye because she would always answer even though her English wasn't good. And I would think, Doctor's daughter so all rightly wired up to mouth the correct words.  

                  The Zoology lab-First Dissection practical and we were all given trays to have our frogs to cut upon. We bundled in two groups hovering over one teacher Mrs. Sudha who showed how to take out the poor amphibian's brain. Most of us were mouthing 'yes mam, right mam, ok mam' including me wondering at the back of our minds what the hell she was explaining and understood nothing of what she said. 'So out there you go and start dissecting'. Oops ! how enticing the thought of going back home looked, mom's harsh words were better than this. 'Girls before you start this why not appear for a practical test' boomed the Princi's voice. And we all suddenly turned pally, looking haplessly at each other, and getting tons of 'classmate sympathy'. How lovely this feeling was, sort of united us into one lot, never mind the bitching after the class was over. There they were 16 specimens (dead animals like fish, worms, insects, mammals, reptiles) stuffed in glasswares having formalin that kept their lifeless bodies looking fresh. We had to draw, label and identify them. What a gruesome task and very painful at that ! Chopping vegetables back home when mom shouted looked definitely adorable. Anyways we handed over our papers. 'Who is roll no 1? Roared the Lion. Where have you drawn the mouth of this worm? In the middle ? Near the stomach? How would you look if you had mouth above your stomach and anus right below the stomach? You guys think you can place the body parts anywhere you liked ? And what if some of you will go to Medical college? Look for the mouth near the stomach?' We felt like shaking ourselves to endless laughter thinking about the two most important openings in the body above/below stomach, but were tight lipped and I had this sinking feeling whether I had placed the anus correctly. There she held my paper...'Hmm ! one of the toppers, let me see what has she done with this animal's anatomy, (and my heart started galloping) Well... Good ! Naina keep it up !' God ! all of a sudden I felt like Einstein, the most intelligent being in BMM college, 20 pairs of eyes looking at me with what I didn't bother. 'Drawing is one of the basics in zoology....on she went'. 

                          Then started the dissection. Everyone finished except me. What I took out turned out to be a muscle piece after struggling for 1 and a half hour and which I thought to be the brain. The asst. prof said 'Which school you are from ?' Didn't they teach you stuff?' Humiliated I begged her to show me once again how to dissect the brain and she did. I sat till 6 pm when everybody had gone and showed the pale white soft frog brain to Mrs. Doodha who was shocked to see a girl staying so late in the college. 'Very good ! but off you run girl, I don't want your parents to panic. Why don't you answer in class but?' I told her I was scared of her and she burst out laughing. 

                         Next day's class started with the Physics teacher's petticoat showing off under the saree from the back and bang she caught Reena whispering into Sonu's ears I wonder what she wears...'