Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Well...

'Cook food', flashed on her mind screen and then 'look for a maid', and then do what ? She questioned herself. Oh ! is this how my life is going to be ? How strange...in just a moment the whole life had been decided by her. Still she couldn't place herself right. Something was missing somewhere.
But that was few decades back when Anna (as Anamica's friend's called her) had got married. She was working before she tied the knot and that day after Ketan left for work, she had all the time in the world to race her thoughts. Being in a new town, not knowing anybody, which was not much of a bother to her though, but getting to know the place so that she could start giving resumes, that would take time. Till then what ? Be at home ? Stay at home wife ? And when the next stage of motherhood starts, become a stay at home mom ? She got up at once not being able to register all these labels. Yes labels. Why do not the working lot get stuck with labels like that ? she pondered. She had seen Mala, her married colleague tussle between the job and family, when her child had fallen ill. The boss being cocky, had mocked at Mala when they both entered his cabin to take the punch card, as Anna and herself both had taken leave past few days. 'Yes Mala', her boss said,'Who's ill this time ? Mother in law? Father in law ? Husband ? Child ?' Suddenly the job didn't seem lucrative at all from Mala's perspective and Anna thought how difficult it is to make him understand, observing Mala's sullen face made her feel worse. Was a job worth all that ? Sure there must be ways to cope family and work she thought.
She suddenly woke up from her reverie. Her hands had been full in the past ten years with two bubbly kids and a part time job as well. She loved seeing off her children to school and husband to work. What could possibly replace the hugs and 'bye bye's' as the little ones marched off to school? And what about the daily school banter her elder one had with her ? Listening to him reminded her of her own school days insecurities regarding friends, teachers etc. and she could now guide him with what she was not able to do to overcome them. She had been taking tuition's at home when her little ones slept and later had taken up a teacher's job. She couldn't bring herself to leave her offsprings at any day care centre and go for a job. Her mother in law had told her to give herself to the kids for their first five years and it made sense as she studied child psychology books. It was not that she was not tempted to accept lucrative offers but one sentence she had read in an article in 'Woman's Era' always stayed back. 'The mother may not need her child as much the child does, because the mother is the child's world'. Somewhere it had struck chord deep down and she had stayed at home with the tuition's though. Later having served at various other organizations including schools, she had decided to stick to few hours of working. Work outside she had to, connected to the outside world was her need at the same time, she wanted to be there for her children and the person who was earning the major chunk. The Man needed her like the children did, sometimes even more. The vertical alignment made sense: God, spouse, children, work, family. And why not ? He was the one who knew her in and out and who took care of her in a way that no one did. So ? All that gave her delight had no 'labels of important designations' and what gave her a sense of worth was the work she did in whatever post she was in. She had to have them both, to be at peace with herself. And today, she was, while preparing the lunch albeit with the thoughts of what is it that gives a woman her self worth ?

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