Introspection

               After a not so hectic but you could call it a busy day yesterday, I woke up today morning after a deep slumber. But there was chaos in mind somehow when I opened my eyes. What happens to the mind during night, when it sleeps or rather the body sleeps ? The mind must be like the mother who puts/orders her kids (organs) to sleep (slow down). The cells doing their activities slowly/rythmically, the brain cells included. O.k. but the point is why does the 'well slept mind' like a switch switched off or something for 6-8 hours, start buzzing with all the previous day's/months ? thoughts ? Ugh ! I just didn't want all that processing today morning especially after a  sound baby sleep. The thoughts, all randomly strewn were like the dancing figures in 'Tare zameen par'. What is a tranquil mind like I thought? The word tranquil is good, sort of soothing. Can the mind go 'word blank' ? 'thought blank' ? like an empty apartment, after each night and don an entirely different 'thought attire' that's new, fresh and moving, 'in the zone' ? Swami Vivekananda's peaceful face comes to the picture, meditating on the rock amidst the oceanly furore. Silence is delicious too. Utmost calm....like the few seconds halt between notes of music that creates the rhythm. 

                         At times I want to be like that, sitting on the rock, like him. But then his quest was different, for the whole mankind. Mine ? for myself ? How selfish ? And how puny ? A bigger quest, bigger the solution like what made him sit in between the three seas to meditate. Hmm ! here I am wanting a solution 'big/huge' like his, but do I want the same problems which he had ? I like Vivekananda. He was a regular guy like us i.e. had formal education, so thought like us mere mortals too. And his search was no different from ours. I wish we who share his homeland will be able to give to the west what he gave. The East is richer in things that the West doesn't have, never had. I have always felt the need to do in any minuscule way like what Vivekanand did. Am waiting...

Introspection

               After a not so hectic but you could call it a busy day yesterday, I woke up today morning after a deep slumber. But there was chaos in mind somehow when I opened my eyes. What happens to the mind during night, when it sleeps or rather the body sleeps ? The mind must be like the mother who puts/orders her kids (organs) to sleep (slow down). The cells doing their activities slowly/rythmically, the brain cells included. O.k. but the point is why does the 'well slept mind' like a switch switched off or something for 6-8 hours, start buzzing with all the previous day's/months ? thoughts ? Ugh ! I just didn't want all that processing today morning especially after a  sound baby sleep. The thoughts, all randomly strewn were like the dancing figures in 'Tare zameen par'. What is a tranquil mind like I thought? The word tranquil is good, sort of soothing. Can the mind go 'word blank' ? 'thought blank' ? like an empty apartment, after each night and don an entirely different 'thought attire' that's new, fresh and moving, 'in the zone' ? Swami Vivekananda's peaceful face comes to the picture, meditating on the rock amidst the oceanly furore. Silence is delicious too. Utmost calm....like the few seconds halt between notes of music that creates the rhythm. 

                         At times I want to be like that, sitting on the rock, like him. But then his quest was different, for the whole mankind. Mine ? for myself ? How selfish ? And how puny ? A bigger quest, bigger the solution like what made him sit in between the three seas to meditate. Hmm ! here I am wanting a solution 'big/huge' like his, but do I want the same problems which he had ? I like Vivekananda. He was a regular guy like us i.e. had formal education, so thought like us mere mortals too. And his search was no different from ours. I wish we who share his homeland will be able to give to the west what he gave. The East is richer in things that the West doesn't have, never had. I have always felt the need to do in any minuscule way like what Vivekanand did. Am waiting...

Zesty Forty

              Vibha had been sitting idle for a long time with the coffee in her hand, in the terrace adjoining her spacious bedroom, enjoying the early morning Nature Show. The birds these days made a pretty scene, with their summer calls amidst picking on the fruit or leaf or the tiny, slender stems they sat on. How could they balance themselves on that she always wondered. Once she also saw a monkey perched on top of the 'firs' ! She had immediately captured him in her movie-cam, enjoying each of his movements. Whoosh ! landed a wet turkey towel on her back.

                             What used to be irritating in the initial married years had now become a thing to get used to. Wet towels on the bed, clothes strewn on the bathroom floor, samples of hair in the wash basin etc. Uggh ! How could a man live like that not to mention the newspapers left at places where it had been read, she had thought the first few days she started living with her 'man'. He was an expert though in making her focus on 'other' important things cajoling her to enjoy life as it is implying at the same time 'don't u dare change me'. And she would give in to his demands at the moment only to get frustrated later in the day. Things had improved over the years with the wet towels landing on her than on the bed. It was fun and gave her the rare moments of  'apnapan' (closeness). She had a terrific married life albeit with little compromises which she thought was not much as compared to her friend Shital's. Even after her daughter arrived, he needed her the way same as before. What more would a woman want? Then one day her friend Shital had rung up to say she suddenly felt her life was revolving too much around her kids and she felt her talents getting rusted. She had an M.Phil in parasitology and immunology, was working as a teacher in one of the good schools in Bangalore only to quit when her second child was born. Not only that she felt that she wanted something else in life. Somewhere Vibha who had a satisfying career, felt the same too. Wasn't the advert apt saying 'Ye dil mange more'. Then she had told her friend she would get back to her. In fact both of them had searched 'Google doctor' to come up with terms like 'mid life crisis' etc etc. 

                      God ! they both thought 'Are we going the Western way?' They had discussed for long but no conversation matched the times they had lead as spinsters along with another friend Richa. Richa was married too but was in touch with her ex-boyfriend who she was going steady with but couldn't marry because his parents were against. How convenient they thought, she could have both the 'boyfriend' and a stable married life. Of late someone called Ram  had joined Vibha's office. He was very efficient and extremely good with people, was happily married too with two kids. After the initial set backs, they both found themselves enjoying each other's company but for some reasons hadn't been able to involve their families. What's wrong if two mature individuals are friends ? Vibha thought. Nothing. But her husband would always say a man and a woman could never be 'friends' for long. Physical intimacy was inevitable he said. How strange, she thought though she also agreed with him partly though. As a youngster while in college, she had male friends and very good ones with whom she shared a very healthy relationship, where nothing physical was felt. Why its perfectly possible to continue platonic relationship with the required limits set in, she had always thought.

                  Now since she knew the chemistry, she thought maybe Nikhil (her hubby) is right, but then she was beginning to share that 'perfect' friendship with Ram. And both knew each had his/her family though they talked about themselves more. There was the hitch. She found herself talking more about her to him and vice-versa. That had not happened for quite a while with Nikhil, busy they had been with their marital life. 'Never mind, let me have a good time at least' she had thought. Or is it the 'Forty factor'? she mused. What is with forty? Men (and women) getting naughty at forty ? What rubbish ! she had never believed in the 'age old truths'. She had mentioned to Shital, strangely she didn't feel guilty of getting closer to Ram at all, as she was committed to Niknil 100 %. Shital had cautioned her. One fine day she told Nikhil about Ram as she had always shared everything about her with him so far. Nikhil wanted to meet him and meet they all did at a party. She found Nikhil a bit confused that evening and when she asked him what was it, he had said 'Nothing'. 

                    Days passed with life going on as it is but she found Nikhil a bit different. She confronted him asking what was it that bothered him. He didn't tell her anything, instead took her out that evening and they didn't feel like coming back home, having spent the times like they did years before. It was then Nikhil told her, he was not comfortable initially with her sharing a friendship with Ram. And he had introspected and found the answer. You can live a committed life like marriage but events like these are like spices sprinkled which make it piquant.

Zesty Forty

              Vibha had been sitting idle for a long time with the coffee in her hand, in the terrace adjoining her spacious bedroom, enjoying the early morning Nature Show. The birds these days made a pretty scene, with their summer calls amidst picking on the fruit or leaf or the tiny, slender stems they sat on. How could they balance themselves on that she always wondered. Once she also saw a monkey perched on top of the 'firs' ! She had immediately captured him in her movie-cam, enjoying each of his movements. Whoosh ! landed a wet turkey towel on her back.

                             What used to be irritating in the initial married years had now become a thing to get used to. Wet towels on the bed, clothes strewn on the bathroom floor, samples of hair in the wash basin etc. Uggh ! How could a man live like that not to mention the newspapers left at places where it had been read, she had thought the first few days she started living with her 'man'. He was an expert though in making her focus on 'other' important things cajoling her to enjoy life as it is implying at the same time 'don't u dare change me'. And she would give in to his demands at the moment only to get frustrated later in the day. Things had improved over the years with the wet towels landing on her than on the bed. It was fun and gave her the rare moments of  'apnapan' (closeness). She had a terrific married life albeit with little compromises which she thought was not much as compared to her friend Shital's. Even after her daughter arrived, he needed her the way same as before. What more would a woman want? Then one day her friend Shital had rung up to say she suddenly felt her life was revolving too much around her kids and she felt her talents getting rusted. She had an M.Phil in parasitology and immunology, was working as a teacher in one of the good schools in Bangalore only to quit when her second child was born. Not only that she felt that she wanted something else in life. Somewhere Vibha who had a satisfying career, felt the same too. Wasn't the advert apt saying 'Ye dil mange more'. Then she had told her friend she would get back to her. In fact both of them had searched 'Google doctor' to come up with terms like 'mid life crisis' etc etc. 

                      God ! they both thought 'Are we going the Western way?' They had discussed for long but no conversation matched the times they had lead as spinsters along with another friend Richa. Richa was married too but was in touch with her ex-boyfriend who she was going steady with but couldn't marry because his parents were against. How convenient they thought, she could have both the 'boyfriend' and a stable married life. Of late someone called Ram  had joined Vibha's office. He was very efficient and extremely good with people, was happily married too with two kids. After the initial set backs, they both found themselves enjoying each other's company but for some reasons hadn't been able to involve their families. What's wrong if two mature individuals are friends ? Vibha thought. Nothing. But her husband would always say a man and a woman could never be 'friends' for long. Physical intimacy was inevitable he said. How strange, she thought though she also agreed with him partly though. As a youngster while in college, she had male friends and very good ones with whom she shared a very healthy relationship, where nothing physical was felt. Why its perfectly possible to continue platonic relationship with the required limits set in, she had always thought.

                  Now since she knew the chemistry, she thought maybe Nikhil (her hubby) is right, but then she was beginning to share that 'perfect' friendship with Ram. And both knew each had his/her family though they talked about themselves more. There was the hitch. She found herself talking more about her to him and vice-versa. That had not happened for quite a while with Nikhil, busy they had been with their marital life. 'Never mind, let me have a good time at least' she had thought. Or is it the 'Forty factor'? she mused. What is with forty? Men (and women) getting naughty at forty ? What rubbish ! she had never believed in the 'age old truths'. She had mentioned to Shital, strangely she didn't feel guilty of getting closer to Ram at all, as she was committed to Niknil 100 %. Shital had cautioned her. One fine day she told Nikhil about Ram as she had always shared everything about her with him so far. Nikhil wanted to meet him and meet they all did at a party. She found Nikhil a bit confused that evening and when she asked him what was it, he had said 'Nothing'. 

                    Days passed with life going on as it is but she found Nikhil a bit different. She confronted him asking what was it that bothered him. He didn't tell her anything, instead took her out that evening and they didn't feel like coming back home, having spent the times like they did years before. It was then Nikhil told her, he was not comfortable initially with her sharing a friendship with Ram. And he had introspected and found the answer. You can live a committed life like marriage but events like these are like spices sprinkled which make it piquant.

Tussle

With self...

God or higher power or intelligence...

is a tough lover...

He wants you to believe

he's with you

but tests at times

to know whether you really believe 

he's by your side

why ? I ask

its like pinching and then asking 

'did it hurt?'

I love to believe the lyrics of the song..(dostana)

Tu hai tho tedhi medhi rahen seedhey lagtey hai...

ulti pulti baten sachchey lagtey hai..

Jane kyu dil janta hai,

thu hai tho I'll b alright

And the one from Jumbo

...Dil mey rakhna thu faith, this world is a lovely place..

jab tak dil mey hai fight, everything's gonna b alright.

Walk I shall

Stumble I may

Get up everytime

 I have to...

I struggled to come out into the world

as much as my creator did

after sitting tied up for whole 9 months

Why do I forget that?

there'll always be strife

Between the first breath and the last...

Tussle

With self...

God or higher power or intelligence...

is a tough lover...

He wants you to believe

he's with you

but tests at times

to know whether you really believe 

he's by your side

why ? I ask

its like pinching and then asking 

'did it hurt?'

I love to believe the lyrics of the song..(dostana)

Tu hai tho tedhi medhi rahen seedhey lagtey hai...

ulti pulti baten sachchey lagtey hai..

Jane kyu dil janta hai,

thu hai tho I'll b alright

And the one from Jumbo

...Dil mey rakhna thu faith, this world is a lovely place..

jab tak dil mey hai fight, everything's gonna b alright.

Walk I shall

Stumble I may

Get up everytime

 I have to...

I struggled to come out into the world

as much as my creator did

after sitting tied up for whole 9 months

Why do I forget that?

there'll always be strife

Between the first breath and the last...

Meanderings

What am I holding back ?

I ask my life...

If there was a short cut...

to reach that side..

which would throw open a whole gush of-

cascade...

like I would flow...

You reach at times

you miss at some point

At times you are on a path

 side by side,

like the 'comma', it says that somethings go on

there's no destination...

there are milestones, travelers

one to show that journey is still on

the other to hold hands that say carry on.