Unbounded

There she was, once again caught up in a train of thoughts that seemed to end nowhere in particular. Sometimes that was o.k. with her, not arriving anywhere. Just the idea of thinking would do the trick...of making her content/may be happy at least for the few moments she had the feeling, which the thoughts conveyed. Then she would wake up startled to see the world around her, not the way she wanted or imagined though. Well life was going on o.k. not much to complain but still she wanted to think she belonged somewhere else. Where? and What for? Questions which she always asked herself when she would be in a contemplative mood.

        Moody, yes that's what she was known as. Some people told her that she 'beh jatee hai' (gets lost in imagination). What's wrong she would ask them ? It gave her happiness, delusive though. Should everything be stark REAL ? What if she didn't like the real world sometimes and would prefer an imaginative world ? She loved the various acts Nature put up in front of her eyes daily. She also loved the attention she got wherever she went, the college, the work place, the family events etc. At times she thought she should have been a dancer. What a way to express ! Self fulfilling ! You didn't need someone to make you feel special and all that. Once she had nagged her husband about this. As a child, she would want her dad or someone in the house to wish her 'Happy Birthday' the moment she got up ! As it was un-Indian way of wishing in a Hindu household where one went to temple on birthday or an 'arti' was done, that which she wanted never happened. Once she had expressed this to her dad and he had reprimanded her not to mimic the 'west'. Blowing candles, cutting cakes was British culture. Why can't people do what one wants? She would think forever and ever. A rebel ? Yes she was, but having brought up in a close knit and a very loving family, she adjusted to the societal roles of daughter, sister, wife, mother etc. But she loved the Friend role a lot.  That was what excited her, made life thrilling. She wanted friendship in all her relationships each of which had a name. The moment a relationship gets a name, it get limited by the shoulds/shouldnt's, she mused.  Why can't life be a joy ride of emancipated spirits ? She got up again with a question in her mind.